If You Really Loved Me
by WolfGirl4Life
Summary: Tragic Blackwater oneshot. Leah tells Jacob the one real lesson of her life.


I stared at her in disbelief. The silence was excruciating, but I couldn't think of anything to say. She sat on the edge of her bed, waiting expectantly for me to say something. But I wasn't sure what she wanted to hear. Comfort…protest…encouragement? It was Leah. I didn't know, I never had known, and I probably would never know. I had spent so many hours trying to figure her out, but everything she did never failed to surprise me.

"Shocking, isn't it?" she said. Her sarcasm was weak when she looked like this…so torn, so hurt…in so much agony. Her voice trembled, shook, and cracked all over the place. "I'm actually surprised you didn't already figure everything out. I mean, I saw it. I saw it from the very beginning. I knew this would happen. I knew this would be how it would end."

"What?" I asked, an almost inaudible whisper was all I could manage after what she'd told me.

"Jacob, when you wake up tomorrow morning, I won't wake up. I won't wake up ever again," she said, and her struggle to keep the terrorizing façade was slipping dramatically.

"Leah, you can't do this," I said, taking an involuntary step toward her.

"Jacob? What am I supposed to do?"

"Haven't you learned anything from this experience?"

"Jacob, I haven't learned a lot, and I don't know a lot, but I do know this. You can't escape your past. It doesn't matter how much you want to. You can't change it either. There's no such thing as time travel, and you can't change the past, or take back what you say. It doesn't matter what it is. The tiniest mistake can come back to haunt you. And it haunted me."

"Leah…" I started.

"Let me finish!" she snapped. "Some people can run away or overlook, some can fix it, and some can just deal with it. I couldn't do that. I can't run away because our minds are linked all the time. He knows things about me that I don't even know. He knows how I think better than I do. He knows me better than I know myself. And that knowledge hurts. I can't run away from home either. Not now. Not when my mom is in a post-dad's-death-daze. Not when Seth has anyone to take care of him other than me, and I've never been much of a nanny. Home is terrible right now, and by running away, I would only make it worse. But I can't overlook it either. Not when I have to hear his every thought. It hurts. Real bad. Some can fix it. Apologize, or get an apology they deserve. I would apologize, but I have nothing to apologize for, and neither does he. We fell out of love. Happens all the time. Does it always end as painfully and as unnaturally as we did?...no. But that's okay. And most of all…I couldn't deal with my past. Not when it surrounds me every day of my life. Not when I am constantly reminded of what I am…what I don't want to be. Not when rejection is the only thing I feel every single damn day of my life because no one like bitchy little Leah. But everyone knows the story behind "bitchy little Leah" and why she is that way, yet no one shows any sympathy. Ever. They never even try to understand what it feels like to be rejected by someone you wou…well, someone you would die for. Not everyone has to be reminded of what used to be constantly, incessantly. It's excruciating pain. I hope you never EVER feel it Jake, because it's torture."

"Leah, please don't do this," I begged, standing over her now. She began to cry. I saw the tears form, and I saw them fall. I had never seen Leah break down like that. I'd never seen her so…so…vulnerable. Maybe this only made me upset because I knew what she was planning to do the second I left.

"Jake, it's the only way! It's the only way I can end this pain! I don't want…" she paused and restarted. "I can't take this anymore! I need it to go away!" she was sobbing now. Before I could really think about what I was doing, I had my arms wrapped around her.

"Leah, don't do this. Stay alive. For your mom, for Seth, for Emily. For me. I love you." And as I spoke the words, I knew it was the truest thing I'd ever said.

I will never forget Leah Clearwater's last words. She whispered them so quietly it was hardly audible, but I understood them.

"If you really loved me, Jacob, you would let me go." Stupidly, I did what she asked. As I drove away, I heard her whisper

"I love you…" and then her heart went silent. I would never hear it again.


End file.
